hyperobjectivity
I have spent many hours of my life spinning in place.
actually that isn’t fair. I have spent many days, months, + years of my life spinning in place. always pushing action until tomorrow, next week, after my birthday, the next new years resolution, this special day, and so on. but this created a toxic problem. let me explain.
I am paralyzed by a fear of imperfection. so much so that it has nearly destroyed my own life countless times. I have not spent a full day pushing towards my future - always working towards the things I love, removing toxicity, and overall living a better live - in as long as I can remember. it has always been marred by this fear, an addiction (food, money, sex), an excuse, or even worse, apathy.
when it comes down to it I am someone who aspires for excellence but has never really put in the work to achieve it. my life you see now is the product of putting about 42% effort - constantly distracted, giving in to addiction, seeking an excuse, etc. but today, as a helpless nation was attacked barbarically, forcing individuals to flee from the sanctity of their homes for fear of annihilation, that I was reminded of the fleeting nature of life.
this thought brought me back to something I wrote years ago: I often realize that the best thing that can constantly remind us to live a good life is death.
the one absolute commonality between all humans - besides birth - is death.
‘momento mori’ is the moniker used to describe anything that can be a constant reminder of this unequivocal truth. I have found that the best way to live a good life is in fact by reminding myself constantly that one day we all die.
I think this very eloquently described by Steve Jobs in his 2005 Stanford Commencement Speech:
Steve Jobs died a little over 6 years after giving this speech. in the late days of his death he seemed to be thankful he knew he was dying. it allowed him to ensure he would not put his time to waste.
we don’t know when we will die. this is a single incredible reason and reminder to live every second to its fullest.
stop wasting your life. leave the relationship, job, or city that drains you. find people that make you happy. build a life where everyday you wake up and are stoked to get moving.
if you catch yourself struggling to pick up your feet - think critically about why. recently I have found myself doing just this. dozens of enticing work prospects, lovely nature nearby, + endless opportunities in front of me all delayed by nothing but myself.
why was I doing this?
I think part of me was waiting for something incredible to happen. I think most of me was ‘waiting for the right moment’. I realized that moment will never arrive. I kept trying to restart this moment over and over again - but then realized that was just my OCD and laziness manifesting itself.
every moment counts, whether you like it or not. you cannot decide one moment to restart your life and change your views, habits, and\or path - that is something that must be painstakingly built over time.
you also definitely cannot remove your mistakes, but why would you? mistakes will surely repeat themselves unless you learn from them. be thankful for the lessons life has given you. choose to learn from them, not bury them into oblivion.
make peace with your past and begin to push towards the best future. remove all denial from your life. the time to start building the life you want to live is right now. begin to build the foundations of your future where you will be at your happiest, and remember, rest is not only okay, but essential.
“we have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one." - Confucius
these words written an absurd number of yeas ago should have forced me to change, but it did not. I sit here, in my warm bath, ignorant to the world, + I relish in this realization.
I am everything I need to be, and that has not changed since I wrote this piece.
this note is now a constant reminder to anyone reading this as much as myself - stop dragging your feet. cut the things out of your life that waste your precious time.
the best time to start is always yesterday. the second best is now.
the primary goal of my life is to build a life in similar virtues to that of a hyperobject: objects that are so massively distributed in time and space as to transcend spatiotemporal specificity, such as global warming, styrofoam, and radioactive plutonium. to build a life akin to a hyperobject is to build something which impacts those far behind what one single individual is able to do.
that has always been my goal. thankfully I am now actually on the path to making it a reality.
RMA
